Oh no! Here’s another broken hearted girl wanting to tell the world all about her little broken heart in the hopes that people with similar broken hearts will come forth and bitch about how horrible the world is.. how horrible partners can be.. and generally how horrible love is.
Yet, here I am. Newly single and feeling like utter crap. I’ve been reading a whole lot of Quora digest articles and googling the best way to get over a broken heart quickly. But lets face it, there is no quick fix just self – love quotes and luckily Ben and Jerry’s ice – cream.
So why should you all care?
I mean we’ve all gone through the immense heart palpitating feeling of being left all alone, crying into a bottle of rose and lining up snotty tissues on the bedside table and contemplating “what was it that I did”, “what did I say this time” and “why me!?”.
Well I’ll tell you why you should all care!
Where has the love gone? The 70’s was full of it .. Pictures of hippies happy and rejoicing in the world – hey, I mean we all know why of course – but aside from that, there was peace, love and happiness. When did everyone get so picky? It’s almost like the year 2000 hit and new apps came to light and well bye bye love.
Everyone’s now too picky, too bored, too eager, too nice, too bad, too ugly, too cute … you get the point. We’re becoming a nation set to meeting people through a lit screen and finding in reality they are not anything like what they expected. Well of course this happens! Ever ordered a top online and it came through the post and wasn’t what you expected? Come on people why be so surprised when this happens with people?
Don’t get me wrong, I have dabbled in the likes of Plenty of Fish and Tinder. Aimlessly scrolling through pictures of guys after guys slowly feeling my life draining from my body. See, I hate shopping. I get so frustrated with picking outfits that will make me look cute or hopefully even fit! Its the same with online dating! Not that I’m looking for someone to make me look cute or fit me … just someone .. well, normal. No I do not want to see what your clothes look like on my bedroom floor, and nope don’t fancy Netflix and chill. I wanna lay in bed and have meaningful conversations – that sounds boring – but hey at least there’s no bloody mobile phones involved! No pretending to be someone your not its real and meaningful.
Anyway, I’m wandering of topic. This blog is about heart break – not the rules of dating.
I want this to be public, I could keep it all in and just aimlessly write it all down and close the laptop and walk away. Yet, what acknowledgement do I receive from doing that? I want people to agree and jump on the band wagon! I’m not sure exactly what band wagon I’m driving just yet .. But it will go somewhere I’m sure. Ranting about the ethics of love and how its changed. Sharing peoples stories, sharing peoples hopes of what love could be.
See, that’s what its all about hopes. As children we grow into adults that learn from the world and learn from each other. We all have hopes and well mine was to find real, true love. Yes, fine.. I’ll admit it .. ‘movie love’. The kind where you fall for someone, like literally. ‘Falling arse over tit, stumbling and rolling, arms and legs flapping’ kinda falling. Know why? Because its happening in real time, in real life, with a real human being who runs over and helps you up checking to see if you’re ok but laughing hysterically at the same time. I mean any scenario of meeting someone face to face would be nice, not just necessarily falling over and hurting myself. I cant imagine it would go down well, feel too good or look cute!
I suppose I’m an old romantic. But that surely cant be the reason I’m sat typing this with a dull ache in my heart. See, yesterday the first guy I have ever dated who I actually met in real life guys! Dumped me. Yup. I even got the whole cliché “its not you its me”. Well can’t say I didn’t get my movie moment – just wasn’t the moment I was after. I thought it was it – the one. We had cute moments, like he had literally just found my tickly spot and drove me mad for hours just tickling me. We laughed too, like a lot! You know like the dirty laugh that just comes out of you as if you were possessed by a clown .. well yeah that kinda laugh. We were right for each other, that goofy kind of love other people want and I had it! But on the outside of my little bubble came the world to steal my thunder. See it wasn’t just ‘him’. It was his mother, his divorce and his heart was not fully mended. I mean I get it, I am not a monster demanding attention and kicking and screaming if I don’t get my way. I understood him, I knew what trials and tribulations were in the way and I was prepared to stand by him the whole way. But I guess it wasn’t enough.
I guess, what I want from this is to help me realise that all love is not bad and even though this is possibly the third major heart break of my life, I don’t want it to be the last. I was born on Valentines day and I believe I am a ‘lurve’ child. I exist in a dream like state that I will one day find my prince charming. I have done for 28 years. I don’t want that part of me to disappear and well, with everything changing so quickly I don’t know what to think about it anymore. Do I keep living and hoping for my man to come or do I prepare myself for a lifetime of solitude and start picking the names of my future cats now?